Brainwashed

Wow. It’s been a long time since even thinking about writing a blog post. To say that my spring semester of junior year…scratch that…to say that my junior year of college was the busiest, most stressful year of my life is an understatement. Despite this blog post not being a life update, I will quickly say that this year has tested me over and over again. It’s helped me to grow and mature. It’s tested my patience. It’s tested my relationships. And it’s MOST DEFINITELY tested my sanity. Yet here we are, sane (for the most part) and now a senior in college! WOO-HOO!

Now onto what’s really weighing on me…

Technology. Social Media. The internet. Have you ever thought about and examined what these things actually mean to you? How they play a role in your life? Lately, I’ve really had to take a step back and examine the pros and cons of social media. If you’ve been a reader of mine for a while now, you’d remember my social media break (Social Media Experiment – SOCIAL MEDIA ISN’T EVERYTHING) and recall that even two weeks free of social media allowed me to strengthen relationships with loved ones and completely diminish any stressors due to social media urging us to show off a “perfect” life.

Lately, I have been feeling similar to how I was feeling before my first social media break, however this time, I have begun to develop emotions of anger and annoyance at what social media has become and the emphasis it places on perfection, whatever perfection may be in the eyes of others.

*DISCLAIMER* This post is not to rant about my life. I love my life and the people in it. However, it is to state my feelings in hopes that other’s can relate to these feelings and maybe come to a realization of their own.

Writing these past couple months has not come easy. I’ve talked in previous posts about inspiration and how I have been lacking in inspiration for a while now. It seems that only in times of sadness or anger can words easily flow out of my mouth. When contemplating why social media takes such a toll on my life, this is what came out.

In comparison to others, I do not feel special. In comparison to others, I do not feel pretty. In comparison to others, I do not feel wanted or sought after. And because of this, I blame technology. I blame technology for allowing us to broadcast the amazing parts of our lives while completely overlooking the horrible and VERY REAl parts of our lives. I blame technology for making it so easy to compare my body, my materials, and my life to those more fortunate than I. I blame technology for stealing my self-esteem from me. But here I am, continuing to post, to tweet, to make statuses, because this is what my generation does. And this is how I am able to feel important. Technology has simultaneously stolen my happiness while being the thing that is able to make me feel accepted, wanted and loved. Talk about a fucked up concept.

To reiterate; No, I do not hate my life.  No, I am not disregarding the amazing people I have in my life already. No, I am not being ungrateful for the life I was given. As stated above, I love my life and each soul who has touched it in the past 21 years. But now more than ever, a large following and hundreds, if not thousands of likes and comments are what makes someone “important.” Important to who you may ask? WHO FUCKING KNOWS. By what standards are we considered pretty or handsome? WHO FUCKING KNOWS. We continue to aim for these unreachable standards placed by social media influencers, INFLUENCERS WHO ARE PAID TO SHOW OFF THE FLASHIEST, MOST “PERFECT” PARTS OF THEIR LIVES. And because of this, me, and people like me, have unreachable standards set day after day. Striving for a fantasy life of new clothes every day, fancy meals 3 times a day, and living the life that everyone else wants but can’t have. Like I said, a fucked up concept indeed.

I guess this post is more of a reminder to myself and others. A reminder that our lives can be “perfect” in our eyes if we choose to make it perfect. Aiming for a toned body and nice ass like that one Instagram model you’ve been following for ages? Stop. Aim for the toned and fit body YOU want because YOU want it, not because someone else has it. Striving to get over 10,000 followers because in the eyes of others, then you’re closer to being someone “important?” Stop. Focus your energy on gaining a real, in-person friend.

This post is certainly directed towards people my age because I am sure I’ll be told by older generations that defeating this social media brainwash is as easy as deleting the app and putting your phone down. Well any millennial can agree with me in saying it’s not that easy. We are moving closer to a completely technological world, so acting as if social media doesn’t exist, or doesn’t play some sort of role in our lives is simply naive. However, we can acknowledge DAILY that these standards set by social media influencers ARE UNATTAINABLE. STUPID. A FANTASY.

Together, we need to stop letting social media determine whether we are living a noteworthy and “important” life. Instead, let’s make our own standards and work to attain those while appreciating and spreading love to those around us!

 

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Where Does One Find Inspiration?

In accordance with my last post, these past two weeks alone I have focused on taking this new year and well, making it my bitch. HAHA.

What I mean by that is, along with physical health, I am focusing on mental health. Physically, I have set a weekly schedule for workouts. I have acknowledged the fact that I thrive more in a group setting rather than individually in a gym on my own time. Thus, I have taken the resources given to me by my university and planned out my weekly workout routine. Monday, Wednesday and Friday nights are dedicated to trying out a new type of class whether it be strength and flexibility training, yoga, pilates, or even kickboxing (which I have been dying to try for as long as I can remember). On top of these classes, I have also started pole fitness. Each Sunday and Tuesday I am partaking in beginner pole fitness classes. So far, I have only been to two but I have already fallen in love with the instructors, my fellow students and the amount of hard work, flexibility, strength, and dedication that it takes! If you are used to the same old routine, I suggest trying out something you’ve never in your life thought of doing because it may just turn out to be one of the best decisions, which was the case for me!

Mentally, I am working towards not letting the classes and massive amounts of schoolwork take over my life and my happiness. I work my ass off in school and last semester truly stole away my desire to pay attention to my mental health and make sure I am mentally stable. I focused solely on getting the best possible grade I could get whilst forgetting that there’s so much more to life than my GPA. In an attempt to focus on my well-being this semester, I have also begun guitar lessons.

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April of 2012. Right before my first guitar recital.

I haven’t discussed playing much, if at all, on my blog, but I got my first guitar when I was thirteen, took a couple lessons and then ended up quitting lessons to teach myself. With all the moving around from Indiana to Arizona and vice versa that I have done, my guitar hasn’t always followed me which made it hard to progress any furthur in my skills. After not playing for so long, I had also forgotten that guitar is a very helpful coping mechanism of mine for when I am upset, angry, or just dealing with stress and anxiety. I was able to find a student guitar teacher (who is an absolutely incredible musician) and within the first 2 lessons, I was learning how to finger pick several different songs, a skill I struggled with immensely when trying to teach myself. Currently, I am working on learning Blackbird by The Beatles. For those of you who don’t know, this is a pretty difficult song, but with practice makes perfect and I will get there at some point!

My reasoning for writing this post is to show myself that I am striving towards greatness and working my hardest to get there, but with all these classes and my busy schedule, blogging has been placed on the backburner and has led me into a rutt when it comes to creative writing. I have worked so hard to grow my follower base and now that I am starting to build it, my inspiration seems to be lost. Some posts flow better than others which is understandable, but I want so badly to keep a consistent blog with at least one post every week and that is something I will continue to work towards.

If any of my readers have some ideas on blog topics that you’d like to see or that you think would fit in well with my blog, I beg of you to let me know! Yes, I like to write simply for the joy of writing, but I also want to be sure my readers are interested and relating to what I am writing. Due to wanting this blog to be so relatable, I have opened up about many private situations and thoughts in my life, so if there’s something you are struggling with that you think I may have some advice on, please either comment on this post or go to the ‘Contact Me’ page and fill out the contact form because odds are, I have experienced something similar or can at least begin a discussion regarding that topic.

 

Plus, I’d simply just love some feedback from my amazing, supportive readers. Hope to hear from you ❤

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xo ツ

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